The Difference Between Reality and Perceived Reality

I want to talk to you in this article about the difference between reality and thought.

What is the difference between reality and our thoughts of reality?

What is the difference between experience – and by that I mean, that which is happening around us – and what we remember about what happened around us?

And to get into this, let’s talk a little bit about how human communication research tells us we perceive the world around us.

The Five Senses

We perceive our world through our five senses.

Our five senses of course are visual, auditory, kinesthetic (which latter incorporates feeling, taste and smell to all intents and purposes, though primarily feeling / touch).

Let me ask you this question, and I want you to think this through really carefully.

If something happens in the world around you, let’s say within your ability to see, hear or feel it, and let’s say within ten feet of you, your eyes are open and you’re watching it, do you perceive it happening as fast as it happened?

Think about it for a minute.

The answer is no, you don’t experience things as fast as they happen. It actually happens a split second before you can perceive it.

Why?

Because the information is being filtered through your five senses.

Perception Requires an Observer

In other words, how do you become aware that there even is an experience going on around you?

Another way to look at this is, if a pencil were in a room and something happened but you weren’t there, would the pencil know that it happened?

There are some who argue, yes the pencil knows and if someone tunes into the pencil, it will tell them.

Well, alright, maybe so, but let’s just say, I doubt it.

It takes an observer to be there in the room to know that something happened.

And how do we observe?

By what takes place coming into our mind through our five senses.

That’s how it happens.

And once the information comes into our five senses, we can remember it and talk about it.

No Two People Experience the Same Thing the Same Way

We perceive our world through our five senses. Now most people think, when they first start their study of this, before they actually consider it thoroughly,

“Well, my perception of what happened and reality are the same thing.”

Well if that’s true, how is it that no two people experienced things the same?

Good question, isn’t it?

Let’s look at an example in the form of a story, which illustrates in fairly bold strokes how two people experiencing exactly the same events in reality will interpret and think about those events in completely different ways.

Reality is shaped by human behavior.

A Story to Illustrate Differences in Perceiving and Interpreting Events

It was a hot summer day and the annual county fair was in full swing. People from all over the region had come to participate in the festivities and enjoy the various rides, games, and food.

As Mary walked through the crowded fairgrounds, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement and joy.

She loved the sights and sounds of the fair, and she was looking forward to trying some of the fried goodies that the vendors were selling.

Meanwhile, John was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by the crowds.

He had come to the fair with his family, but he found it difficult to navigate through the throngs of people and he was starting to feel claustrophobic.

He wished he had stayed at home where it was peaceful and quiet.

As they walked through the fair, Mary and John both encountered the same sights and sounds, but they had very different experiences.

Mary was thrilled by the energy of the fair and couldn’t wait to try everything it had to offer.

John, on the other hand, found the crowds and noise to be overwhelming and wished he could escape.

People Can Perceive the Same Event in Very Different Ways

This illustrates how people can perceive the same event in very different ways.

Some may find an experience exciting and enjoyable, while others may find it an overwhelming and unpleasant negative experience.

One factor that can contribute to these different perceptions is an individual’s personality and mood.

Mary may have been in a good mood and eager to embrace new experiences, while John may have been feeling stressed or anxious.

Another factor is an individual’s prior experiences and expectations.

Mary may have positive emotions based on fond memories of going to the fair as a child, while John may have had negative experiences in the past that influenced his perception of the event.

Differences in perspective can also play a role. Mary may have been focused on the sights and sounds of the fair, while John may have been more concerned with finding a quiet place to sit down and rest.

The whole thrust of their cognitive processing – and thus their perceived reality – was different.

Finally, cultural and social influences can shape how people perceive an event.

Mary and John may come from different backgrounds and have different values and expectations, leading to different interpretations of the fair.

Overall, it is clear that people can perceive the same event in very different ways.

Whether it is a county fair, a concert, or a political rally, people bring their own unique experiences, expectations, and perspectives to the table, influencing how they perceive and interpret what is happening around them.

Perceived Differences in Material Facts When Recalling an Event

And the filtering goes beyond that too, of course, it can affect even perceived facts, not just thoughts and feelings.

Police are very well aware of this aspect of social psychology when taking witness statements.

People will report different colours, sizes, sequences of events, embellishing or leaving things out, all while describing the same social reality.

And none of those people are trying to mislead.

Their perceptions and personal filters have led them to recognize certain patterns, emphasize certain details, simply not notice others, and inevitably apply an interpretation to what they have seen.

But they will all be telling the truth as they perceive it.

Three Processes Which Distort Perception

So there are filters that change our perception of things.

First of all, let’s just be clear about the fact that our five senses are distorted.

In fact, they go through three basic processes, common to all human beings.

NLP figured this out, many, many years ago and this knowledge is extensively used by news and entertainment media to shape opinion and gain social influence.

What comes in is distorted, or generalized and/or deleted.

Distorted, deleted or generalized.

In other words, there are so many things happening every second around us that if you could possibly pay attention to all of those things, it would pretty much drive you crazy and nothing would make sense.

So we learn to tune our senses to pick up the things that we believe are important.

Oh, so you mean beliefs enter into what we perceive? You bet!

These three processes explain why people are so readily convinced by narrative persuasion and telling stories, as they fill in the blanks for themselves to fit their own model of perceived reality.

DISTORTION

We distort the things that we see. This is how people make sense of art. In other words, we see something and we go, “Wow. That reminds me of _____.” Or “That looks like_____.” Or “That says to me _______.”

And we change our perception slightly to gain new meaning.

GENERALIZATION

Or we generalize. Which part of what I just said was generalization? “That reminds me of ________.” Or “That’s like ________.”

These are ways to generalize.

DELETION

We delete it. We say, “Well, you know, the information comes in and we pick two things to notice and hear or feel instead of the one hundred that actually were available.”

Beliefs and Values Change Our Perception of Reality

What dictates this?

Well, for each person it’s different, but there are some general filters that change our perception of “reality”.

And I put “reality” in quotes because not any one person has a lock on what that is. Every person’s “reality” is different.

So what are some of these filters?

Well, beliefs, we’ve mentioned.

Values, in other words, high level beliefs.

How about what your parents gave you and taught you was right? This would be beliefs or values but coming from parents.

• How about what you were conditioned socially to believe?
• How about what you were conditioned socially to accept is true about yourself?
• Your place in the world?
• Your ability to interact with others?
• Your status or position?
• Your desirability?

All of these, a lot of these, are affected in part by your parents and your social condition. How about the effect of religion on yourself or others? That can be profound.

And there are many, many more things like this that can affect our values and beliefs and our concepts of reality. Your interaction with siblings, if any, and other family members, if any, etc., etc. All of these are filters that change our perception.

The understanding of how these processes combine to influence how a person perceives reality is called the transportation imagery model.

Advertising effectiveness in the mass media is greatly boosted when they appeal to emotions and values rather than facts, because surprisingly it is the facts that are found to be mutable in people’s perceptions.

Understanding these processes and filters and eliciting a person’s beliefs and values is crucial when implementing persuasive effects, whether it be inducing an attitude change to make someone agree with you, or using persuasive communication to get someone to buy your product or service.

Naturally, these patterns of human behavior and information processing based upon long-held filters of belief and prior experience tend to be harder to shake in older adults, where they have been established over a longer period of time.

Younger audience members may be more easily led in their decision making.

The Difference Between Data and Perception

So through our five senses comes data.

The data also interacts with our beliefs and our values and our conditioning and our emotions.

And what’s dumped into our memory system is an amalgam of what actually happened and what we think about what actually happened, which is why no two people experience things the same.

Now are you beginning to develop a deeper understanding of why I put “reality” in quotes?

The Persuasive Implications of Reality Distortion and Perceptual Filtering

The applications for this in persuasive communication are obvious.

First, you need to get good at eliciting someone’s emotions, values and beliefs and leveraging them if you want to make a real persuasive impact on their reality.

These are the factors that human behavior change is shaped by.

When delivering your persuasive message, you have to take this cognitive dissonance into account and aim your message at your listener’s beliefs and values, not your own, if you hope to have any influence over their decision making process.

Understanding the factors which determine your audience’s reality is called the Elaboration Likelihood Model of Persuasion.

But there are other, sophisticated methods we will touch on in future articles which will guide the very processes of the five senses themselves and how a person takes in and assesses information. So keep checking back regularly so you don’t miss those.